[lyrics]
Mean Mr. Mustard sleeps in the park
shaves in the dark, tries to save paper
Sleeps in a hole in the road
Saving up to buy him some clothes
Keeps a ten bob note up his nose
Such a mean old man
Such a mean old man

His sister Pam works in a shop
she never stops, she's a go getter
Takes him out to look at the Queen
Only place that he's ever been
Always shouts out something obscene
Such a dirty old man
Dirty old man